I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize