there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
