wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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