Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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