I just made out with a guy for $7.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
