Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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