If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize