So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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