Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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