apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
