I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm both gender and math confused
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize