The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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