how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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