And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
