i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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