I'm lost and stupid without you.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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