did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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