So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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