She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
