we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
