Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
