lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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