I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
