It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
