recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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