Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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