today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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