Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
