a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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