is your mom at the bar?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
