i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
