Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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