you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
