Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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