Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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