That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
