I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
