someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
