meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
