Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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