Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Randomize
