how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
