If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
love makes seman taste better
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
