i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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