sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
