Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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