you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need to calm my uterus...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize