I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
