The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
