i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
only if we run a train.
done.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
