Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
