Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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