ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
