wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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