Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
