dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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