I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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