so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize