I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Randomize
