What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
