Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
