I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
