i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
