The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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