Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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