how hairy? two words: wookie tits
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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