Jerry, you need to find god
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
