Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
