You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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