Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
