ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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