Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
