I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
