She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
