Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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