i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize