I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
