I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
