your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
