dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
