Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We have started to decorate penises.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
