Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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