with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
