Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
