He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize