That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
