I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
