dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
