Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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