I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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