you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
